I didn't plan on it, but a friend suggested that I post this here. Maybe I will even make it a new regular feature (although we all know how much I love regular things and doing them regularly).
Probably my new favorite game (besides flinging rubberbands) is reading the blurbs for the reviews on Pitchfork, and then guessing the score of each review. It's fun because I'm always right! It's way too easy.
Let's look at today's blurbs:
Annie: DJ-Kicks
Electro-pop star turns selector for the venerable DJ-Kicks series, offering a few of her own tracks plus songs by ESG, Mu, and DFA79, among others.
Pitchfork loves Annie, but they have to doubt her a little to seem cool, but definitely not a lot because they still want you to love her. It's just a DJ mix, but they really like DJ mixes, so I'd say high 7.
Actual score: 7.5
The Joggers: With a Cape and a Cane
Indie rock band weaves through delightfully convoluted compositions built on jittery hi-hats, spidery riffs, and dizzy sing-along hooks.
[Recommended]
OK, so this blurb describes just about every band ever, which is what any good Pitchfork blurb does. It got a "recommended" tag, so it's at least a seven, and since I've never fucking heard of them (eventhough they're on StarTime), I'd say somewhere around eight.
Actual score: 8.3
Emmanuel Jal/Abdel Gadir Salim: Ceasefire
Fascinating and frequently captivating collaboration between musicians from opposing sides in Sudan's civil war.
Fascinating AND captivating? You don't say. Sounds like they like it, but it's still just world music (even though I have heard of this record). Better give it a high seven or thereabouts.
Actual score: 8.3 (close!)
T. Raumschmiere: Blitzkrieg Pop
More aggressive, almost cartoonish tech-metal from electro whiz Marco Haas.
I've heard this, and it fucking sucks, but they didn't allude to that in the blurb, which means it's a six.
Actual score: 6.4
Rev Run: Distortion
Hip-hop legend offers a comeback mini-album that recalls late-period Run-DMC.
It's the last review, which often - but not always! - means a lower score. Pitchfork needs to seem cool by simultaneously dissing him because he's from Run-DMC and it's not actually a Run-DMC album, while also saying that he's OK, because he was in friggin Run-DMC. A five.
Actual score: 5.4
I rule you beeetch.
4 comments:
wow, impressive...
I'm with you, if you read Pitchfork daily I don't know how you can prevent yourself from eventually trying to predict scores. But Peter, you don't even guess a decimal? C'mon dude. Round numbers are frigging boring.
I feel like I can guess most IMDB scores +/- 0.2 about 90% of the time, assuming I've heard something about the film. Those are more fun in my book.
it all makes sense now. i used to actually READ their reviews and then be pissed off that their review didn't match their score, but it's all in the damn blurb. qualler and i had a running theory that the reviewer just writes the review and then some random important person there gives it an arbitrary rating. finally things are seeming clearer now though. thank you lansky.
you guys concern yourself a little to much with that site
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